My name is Baddest

My name is Baddest, and any girl I touch falls in love with me instantly.

There’s this girl I’ve been timing, her name is Lolita. She’s the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen and would like to touch, but each time I’m close to touching Lolita she somehow escapes. Of course she doesn’t know of my gift, just that the two times I’ve wanted to touch her she’s usually in a crowd and somehow she gets mixed up and I lose her. But I have a plan for her. You see, I’m chatting with her right now on Facebook, I’m going to set up a meet and I’m going to touch her. Not much, just a handshake, or a pat in the back, or… but as long as my palms make contact with her, she’s mine.

“Lolita, hi. I’ve seen you around school, and I’d like to take you out.” I type. Don’t despise my straightforwardness, all I need is a touch. So the chat doesn’t really matter. If I touch her, she’s going to be helplessly in love with me.

“Lol, who’s this?” She types back.

“My name is Baddest.” I reply.

“Okay, Baddest, lol I don’t know you and why do you think I’d go out with you?”

“Because you’re beautiful and I like taking beautiful girls out.”

“Very funny. How many ‘beautiful girls’ have you taken out?”

“A lot.”

“And you think I’d willingly join the number?”

“Well, not like you have a choice.” I reply.

“See, Baddest or whatever you call yourself, you are a fool, a very big fool. I know boys like you, ugly specimens thinking they can get girls like me. Think again! You don’t stand a chance. And never in my right mind will I go out with you. Idiot. I’m so blocking you.”

I like girls like Lolita, I like that they think I don’t stand a chance, I like the look on people’s faces when they see me with girls as beautiful as Lolita because truly I’m ugly.

My powers mysteriously came to me at the age of ten. Girls always ran away from me because I was ugly, and it was always a boy that was my seat partner. I felt sad and downtrodden. So one day, I looked up through the window and into the sky and I cried. I asked God why he made me so ugly, why my head looked like beans. No one should have to live in rejection like me. Then suddenly the sky went bright, so bright that I couldn’t see and I felt paralysed by this light and then I felt beautiful. Since then anyone I touch falls helplessly in love with me. I went from Beanshead to Baddest.

Now it’s Lolita’s turn to receive my magic touch. Her curves are just too pronounced, perfectly symmetrical. How can anyone see such bustiness and pass by? Impossible. She’s endowed and I’m attracted to her endowment. A girl like her should never walk alone. She won’t know what hit her when my touch comes upon her. It’s not like I’m a perv or something, it’s just that my gift has two sides. I was given this gift to use it to feel loved by all means. So you see, it’s also a curse. I can’t see a perfect body and pass it by, I must touch, yes, I must touch, because if I don’t touch then I get disturbed. I must touch Lolita.

Some days later, I’m on my way to the campus.


I collide with someone, our books fall.

“I’m so sorry,” I say as I bend to pick the papers from the ground.

“Watch where you’re going,” the person says in anger.

After gathering a handful, I heave up to hand it over to the person. I didn’t get a good look as it all happened so fast. Oh my God! It’s Lolita! Our eyes meet.

“Wait a minute,” she says, “Isn’t it you that messaged–”

Before she can complete her sentence I quickly touch her. Her face instantly goes from angry to overexcited and then to helplessly in love. She jumps on me and hugs me and we both walk to campus together, her head on my shoulder.



[photocredit: Benoit Courti]


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