Journal 02

I can’t sleep. I’m scared of what I’d see if I close my eyes, what I’d feel. Besides, I’m writing, and my juices are flowing. My juices flow less during the hot day. The night is calm and peaceful for me to dig deep. Tomorrow morning comes with pain and brightness. I like the dark, it is interesting, more interesting than day. Day is boring because it exposes all secrets. Secrets are meant to be hidden. I loathe the day.

I can’t sleep. And somehow it’s cool that I can’t sleep. I like it. My sentences are too short, why? Okay, need to stretch them up a bit, you know, freestyle. This is a journal entry after all. Journals are meant to be secret things! But hey, I’m only sharing cos it’s night. I’m letting you into my convoluted mind. Come share in my twistedness. Come sip from the streams of insanity. Okay, I’m being poetic. My sentences are still too short!

I’m shy, your dreams are making me shy. I bet three quarters of y’all are asleep, and your dreams/nightmares are affecting this writeup, they are making my shy. Yea, I’m an introvert, go figure, shy for no reason. Going out is too laborious for me, too many faces to look at, too much mathematics to solve. Yea, I solve math as I walk on the streets. If someone looks at me, it’s a straight line. If I escape a person’s glance, it’s an angle. And if there are too many people facing me, then it is paranoia (hehehe). Really, when I’m in a crowd, the mathematical formulas go kaboom(!) because I have to over-calculate. It is euphoric though, seeing things that people don’t bother looking for; body movements, relative position, vector glances, clothing colours… sometimes I even pause time in my head and everything stops for a microsecond or two, enough for me to do a mega instant analysis.

Okay, enough about me and my undermined genius mind. Let’s talk about the fact that I’m still awake at 1:10 a.m. I know one quarter of y’all are awake. And you have work tomorrow or not! Nigeria is impossible and no more jobs. That’s sad. Even me I’m ‘jobless’ in the traditional sense of dressing to go to work per morning. Okay, cut the crap, I’m jobless. Ouch! I disagree! I’m not jobless, writing is lot of work. Okay, I’m not jobless (gotta say it twice to believe it). Argh! Look, I don’t care about money or the future or whatnot, I just want to write, and die, and wake up, and write on the inside of my casket, and die again. Can you imagine people waking up in their graves (Hey! Don’t give yourself nightmares, Vic, it’s past midnight!)? Aye, no more dead people waking up in their graves, wouldn’t want to dream bad now, would I? Okay, but imagine people turning in their graves just the way we turn from uncomfortable sleeping positions. But they won’t turn like you and I, their turning is with vampiric speed. Remember that they’re in the spirit world now, and all the movements in the spirit world are of supersonic speed. Even my people mathematics can’t work there.

Really, what am I talking about?! What are you reading, people? So this is how you guys love to enter writers’ minds [shaking my head]. I won’t judge you, it’s fine. I write not for you, but I’m cool with you reading. I’m cool with taking you places you don’t wanna be. I’m cool with distracting you. I’m cool with making your day easier.

Okay, before you go, let’s talk about tomorrow. BTW: I hate the fact that I’m using too many commas! Argh! I hate it. It makes my work look like skeletons. So no more commas you use your head to break down the sentences (a comma should have been between ‘commas’ and ‘you’ hehehe).

It’s 1:21 a.m., I should sleep, but fuck it, I could write more (but about what?). Part of my plight is that I’m sleeping alone. I don’t want to sleep alone. I imagine a girl on the other side of the bed; I could just turn toward her and cuddle her in her sleep. Such sweetness… *sigh*. Anyways, those are the sweet moments, the hard times are hundred times more frequent. But cuddling is still sweet, and marriages are for the sweet moments, right? Then the rest is endurance. I used to be called ‘Victor endurance’ when I was little by my eldest bro (late)… let’s not go there. Phew! Sirens… are they trying to warn off potential criminals? Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhaahhahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! Jokers! This is Gotham!

Did you actually read all the ha’s? [shaking my head] You need help.
And guess what? They gave us light today, for the first time in weeks.


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