What have I become?

what have I become
I can try to explain
you might think i’m gone
maybe he’s insane

what have I become

I look up and ponder
eyes full with wonder
I am a monster
I ripped myself apart
torn to tatters
my very own art

why do I feel this way
oh no! not again today
I can’t even plan
I would write if I can
If life is a puzzle
how to solve this riddle

I stand on the fields
every wheeze, every yield
what I’ve done to myself
it’s I who pay the prize
cobwebs in my shelf
spiders ever so wise
my fears get me better
thoughts drain me faster
how have I become
my father’s own son

I’m sinking deep in lust
feels cold as frost
my table smooth with dust
full of the things I must
would someone save me
I just want to be free
I am so full of despair
does anyone even care

what have I become
I’m called many things
but I know some
beers, whiskies and gins
so much on my mind
wonder if one so kind
would hear me out
words of fear and doubt

I feel the pressure of time
a hundred year old wine
I yearn just for flow
not to think, just to go
emotions I can’t sustain
when all I feel is pain
so much, so much to say
not possible in a day

I can’t take it anymore
sore deep in my core
seems like prison walls
squeezing me hard like balls
I search in these rhymes
I search in these times
for any sign of hope
pray for me priests and pope
the new guy with the horns
thinking ropes and guns
the monster has come
this is what I’ve become

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